… and so does the guy in the cat suit.
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Archive for category Abusing the Enemy
A Tale Of A Wishy Washy Raiders Fan
My buddy Richie S. comes to Portland on a Monday and the only time I can see him is during the Steelers Monday Night game vs. the Chargers. So basically, I told him that was what we were doing. There wasn’t really even a, “Hey, how do you feel about this?” type of suggestion floated out to Richie. I said, “This is going on.” He said, “Sounds like fun!”
Richie shows up, cheers for the Steelers, has a good time. It’s evident from the TV coverage (and subsequent stories that Rivers went to a silent count during a home game) that Qualcomm Stadium has been taken over by Steelers fans. Jonny has been sack tapped the week before as a good luck omen (long story). All seems right with the World. Steelers win. We go home because we all have to work the next day.
Fast forward 24 hours and Richie gets outed by my buddy Matt T. as a Raiders fan. On the one hand, after finding out that Richie was actually a Raiders fan, I thought to myself, “What the hell? I would never put on the shirt of another team and cheer for them, no matter how much I liked one of their fans.”
Then, “Oh, what the heck? We won. Why question it? Maybe it was because Richie finally left the Dark Side. The football gods must have rewarded us with our first West Coast road win in a decade due to my intervention in his sporting life.”
Fast forward again to this past weekend. Richie texts me about how our two favorite teams are playing.
I respond with, “You only get one team, Richie.”
He responds with, “That would be the one.”
I knew then that we would win. I was absolutely certain that the football gods would punish Richie’s wishy-washy, flip floppiness with a Raider loss. Then mid 1st quarter, Dan sack taps Jonny with his Terrible Towel and the outcome was all but completely certain.
I felt pretty bad about goading Richie into turning his back on his favorite team and fellow fans for a second….
Well, no I actually didn’t. It just seemed like a polite thing to write. But, you all know me and realize statements like that are BS. So, nevermind.
Fast forward again to the Sunday. Steelers are up 35-28 and cruising toward a victory, I’m teetering between whether I should send a conciliatory text to Richie or just taunt the heck out of him for showing some fair weather fan tendencies, thus sending his team on the path toward defeat at the Steelers’ hands.
And then,…. Aldon Smith stumbles while trying to tackle Roethlisberger and lands on Ben’s left foot. Watching the replay, I was sure that Roethlisberger’s foot was broken. Hoped not, but really thought it was.
It turns out that Big Ben’s injury was only a sprain. He will probably miss a week, but Monday morning on his radio show said that he is not counting himself out this week versus the Browns.
Just the same, I probably should have waited to gloat until it was over. That’s what I get.
Browns bring Factory of Sadness to San Diego
Check out the info graphic at the top of the screen: 3rd and 13, score tied 13 to 13, 3rd period with 13:13 to go and 3 seconds on the play clock.
Maybe Cleveland should change its mascot from a brown dog to a black cat.
Coming to a Courtroom Near You…
StarGate: NE
Abandon hope all Yee who whine thus…
Tom Brady agent Don Yee has a remarkable take on the Deflategate report and punishment. Yee claimed innocence, which is not suprising, but let’s deconstruct his logic quickly.
“There is no evidence that Tom directed footballs be set at pressures below the allowable limits.”
True and admirably word-smithed like a lawyer. There is evidence that footballs were deflated below limits. There is evidence that Tom directed deflation. There is evidence that he pressured or bribed to get it done. There is evidence that it was not an isolated event to the point that the Deflator had the nickname “the Deflator” and at least indicated fatigue at the job. There is evidence that this deflation was done intentionally after the balls had been officially checked which would only be done to avoid detection, which in turn would only be necessary if the deflation was below allowable limits. There is evidence that Tom knew who was responsible before any investigation took place (he texted the perpetrators to make sure they were not folding under pressure of the deflation being discovered). There is evidence he lied because he had claimed he didn’t even know the names of those people. There is evidence that Tom likes deflated balls and has the experience to know when they are deflated and how much they are deflated. Can it be that the greatest quarterback in the history of mankind is unable to tell when a ball is deflated below standards? I’m willing to bet that the average high school player could get it right in a blind test a majority of the time.
But yes, there is no evidence that Tom directed footballs be set at pressures below the allowable limits.
“In fact, the evidence shows Tom clearly emphasized that footballs be set at pressures within the rules.”
I must have missed that bit of evidence. So…. huh?
“Tom also cooperated with the investigation and answered every question presented to him.”
True, he cooperated by physically being there. True he answered every question, just deceptively or incompletely, and acted like a diva who was insulted to even be questioned.
Most damning, he refused to provide his phone and text records, evidence that could have theoretically exonerated him.
The reason given for his refusal is that he didn’t want to “set a dangerous precedent for all players facing disciplinary measures”.
Because, you see, Tom has always worried about other players first and because of his strong moral compass he is ready and willing to sacrifice himself, his team, and his fans for the greater good of all mankind.
The man just gives, and gives, and gives.
The man is a saint.
Well, not really. If he were a Saint, he’d be sitting for a year.
An open note of thanks to our Ratbird friends
The Steelers owe thanks to the Ravens. Click the link and I’ll explain why.
There was a fair amount of fan hand wringing and consternation following the dramatic events of 2015 Draft Day #2, when Ravens GM extraordinaire Ozzie Newsome pole vaulted over the Steelers to nab tight end Maxx Williams in the second round. Many fans had been counting on the Steelers selecting Williams and were inconsolable following the Ravens action, and even more freaked out upon learning the Steelers’ selection of cornerback Senquez Golson. Maybe the Steelers panicked, maybe the Ravens panicked, but it says here that it’s most likely the fans panicked. In any case, Steelers fans owe a debt of thanks to the Wizard of Oz.
