Steel Balls

In a surprise announcement, the Pittsburgh Steelers today signed famed quarterback Brett Favre to replace punter Zoltan Mesko. In a late-day press conference, Steelers General Manager Kevin Colbert explained that the move fulfills the needs of both parties. “After discussions with Brett, it became clear that this move would fulfill Brett’s need to reclaim media attention, while at the same time fulfilling our need to continually lower the bar for our punting unit.”

The 44 year old Favre has been out of football for three years but was recently under consideration by the St. Louis Rams to play quarterback in place of the injured Sam Bradford. Unfortunately, Favre was unable to beat out potential hall of famer Brady Quinn, a rare available alumnus from the Cleveland Browns, well known as “The Quarterback Factory of the NFL”.

Although Favre could not be reached for comment, super agent Bus Cook was willing to shed some light on the move. “In all honesty, Brett would rather just play with his grandkids down on the hog and beet farm, but since I hold power of attorney for him I was able to sign him up with the Steelers. Under terms of the P of A, I’m allowed to make any move that gives Brett the opportunity to make another tearful retirement speech with a new team.”

Mesko has not gotten off to a strong start as Steelers punter, but even so he has been the second most effective punter for the team over the past decade. “It was important for us to do everything possible to reach lower,” said Colbert. When asked about his future, Mesko stated, “I suppose I’ll go back to being the mascot for the Pirates, and failing that I can go back to my carnival booth.”

There is always the possibility that Favre will over-perform, a situation for which Colbert is prepared. “Look, Brett is a professional athlete with many accomplishments. If it turns out he can punt well enough, say 25 yards net average, we may have to make a move still lower on the evolutionary chain.” Although it’s not clear what was meant by that statement, Tim Tebow was quick to deny his candidacy because “Evolution is a garsh-danged commie lie.” However unconfirmed reports have indicated that Bus Cook is now the agent for Steelers beat writer Ed Bouchette. Rumor has it that Bouchette is actively looking for more work in light of the demise of the PG+ web site.

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